In Defense of the “Crazy” Ex

Broken Heart

If you’re one of those people who is dating someone who is emotionally unavailable and you blame the “crazy” ex, the red flag may be closer than you think.
We all know from experience that no one outside an intimate relationship can ever truly know what went on in that relationship or understand the subjective experience of either partner. And, we are getting only one half of the story from our new partner.
If you’re with someone who blames their lack of emotional presence, emotional intimacy and current relationship failures on “drama from the outside” coming from their recent ex, there is likely more there than meets the eye.
Relationship drama, with rare exception, can’t come from the outside unless your partner is actively BRINGING it in and actively participating in it.
I have been privy to situations in both my professional and personal life where the partner pointing the finger at the ex is still willingly communicating with them and, many times, is still carrying on a sexual relationship with them to boot.
The focus of advice columns and online articles is mostly centered around how to deal with the “crazy” ex but not many of them advise you, the current partner, to deal directly with your loved-one,  to look past what you are being told, to set aside your preconceptions, and really ask yourself, “IS the drama really coming from outside my relationship or is there more here than meets the eye?”  It may be time to ask some difficult and direct questions.
I am not defending abusive, controlling or meddling exes but I am advising those with partners who are not fully present and engaged in your relationship and are placing the blame on their ex, to take what their partner says with a grain of salt.  It’s often easier to blame the person we don’t know rather than the one we do.